Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Too Personal
There should be the feeling of joy and love that is sugar coated with giving kisses to a newborn angel; however, it is a cloud of blah drenching me with a heavy muck that bogs me down and holds me at a distance. Maybe it is because of the inconvenience of location and having to be beholden to an outsider for a time to see my grand. This could also be caused by my perception of the reasons behind having to wait an extra two days, dragging it out to a total of four days, at the beginning of her life before I get to see her again. I am sure that I am taking things too personal and that I am assuming too much.
Girl Grand
There has been time to get used to the idea that there is going to be a girl in the mix of short people that will be roaming around the house; however, just because there has been time does not mean that it has really seeped its way in and found its place in my thoughts to understand that according to so many other people, her being a girl is supposed to make her special. I am not sure that their thought process lines up with mine. Being a girl only makes her different. All my grands are special.
I feel a bit out of sorts about it and far away from the situation even though I am within distance to be more. The others that surround her are outsiders to me, they are strangers, they are not familiar to me. Having her in another town, in someone else's home, with someone else's rules makes it more difficult to feel comfortable finding my place in the mix.
The irritation and frustration that I feel about the name thing is ridiculous. Someone, that person or persons name(s) were never given put the idea that having a different last name than your child makes it more difficult when doing things with school and government stuff, because the last names do not match. My question is, have they dealt with these difficulties personally? Because my other grands have the last name Reed and their mother's last name is different and she has never found it difficult. This bit of information about the last name not being Reed did not come up in any conversation and seemed to be slipped in as a fact at the last moment; only when at the hospital and reading the board did I see that the last name was not Reed. All that was said was that it could be changed later if it needed to be. I am guessing this is my hang-up and it has to do with having some viable connection, a recognizable connection to this girl that is our grand. I am working on not taking it personally.
The intensity of the feelings I have are probably stronger because of the missing grands that we have. One in England with his mother and one in Oklahoma with his mother and another in Missouri with our son and his gal. The lack of last name matches the mother in Oklahoma with the grand that we may never get to meet and that strikes a cord that makes me feel that there is a distance being kept by this mother, though through her words she swears that she is not "that kind of person" and would never take our grand away.
I want to be a part of all my grands' lives. I want to see them grow, hear them read to me and read to them, and be there for the changes that life throws at them so that I can ease the way and help them to become the person that they want to be. Every child is different. Every child is special.
It is my hope that I will work through my thoughts and find a way to relate and accept. Am thinking that I may have some small control issues that I need to work through too. Not sure, just a guess.
I feel a bit out of sorts about it and far away from the situation even though I am within distance to be more. The others that surround her are outsiders to me, they are strangers, they are not familiar to me. Having her in another town, in someone else's home, with someone else's rules makes it more difficult to feel comfortable finding my place in the mix.
The irritation and frustration that I feel about the name thing is ridiculous. Someone, that person or persons name(s) were never given put the idea that having a different last name than your child makes it more difficult when doing things with school and government stuff, because the last names do not match. My question is, have they dealt with these difficulties personally? Because my other grands have the last name Reed and their mother's last name is different and she has never found it difficult. This bit of information about the last name not being Reed did not come up in any conversation and seemed to be slipped in as a fact at the last moment; only when at the hospital and reading the board did I see that the last name was not Reed. All that was said was that it could be changed later if it needed to be. I am guessing this is my hang-up and it has to do with having some viable connection, a recognizable connection to this girl that is our grand. I am working on not taking it personally.
The intensity of the feelings I have are probably stronger because of the missing grands that we have. One in England with his mother and one in Oklahoma with his mother and another in Missouri with our son and his gal. The lack of last name matches the mother in Oklahoma with the grand that we may never get to meet and that strikes a cord that makes me feel that there is a distance being kept by this mother, though through her words she swears that she is not "that kind of person" and would never take our grand away.
I want to be a part of all my grands' lives. I want to see them grow, hear them read to me and read to them, and be there for the changes that life throws at them so that I can ease the way and help them to become the person that they want to be. Every child is different. Every child is special.
It is my hope that I will work through my thoughts and find a way to relate and accept. Am thinking that I may have some small control issues that I need to work through too. Not sure, just a guess.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Life of Yaya in the Kingdom of Grands
I have chose to start this blog to write about what life is like for me as Yaya in the Kingdom of Grands. I have stories to tell and memories to recall. I have thoughts to share and worries to mull over. I feel that as grandparents we need to find our place in the lives of our grands and allow our grown children to provide parenting to their children without taking over for them.
It is my goal to have parents and grandparents read this blog and follow the daily adventures in the Kingdom of Grands. Please follow along and see where this adventure leads. I am sure that there will be moments of abundant joy, sadness, and growth.
It is my goal to have parents and grandparents read this blog and follow the daily adventures in the Kingdom of Grands. Please follow along and see where this adventure leads. I am sure that there will be moments of abundant joy, sadness, and growth.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
The Kingdom is Created
In September of 2006 I became Yaya. I flew back to Oregon from Hawaii to be there for the birth and missed it by a day. The little man could not wait. I was available to assist for the first six weeks of his life, offering my experience, and providing relief for both the mom and dad. The mom had not been around babies much, had not been a "babysitter" during her teens, and had never changed a diaper before this, her first son. The dad had lots of experience with children, having been the oldest of three boys, and having spent most of his teen years babysitting for family for spending money. They worked together, but when they got sad and frustrated because their little man was hungry but not latching on, then they called on Yaya and her experience. I was so pleased to be able to give them an easy fix.
No matter how much a baby likes to have the freedom of movement and limited clothing, when it is time to eat, then it is time to swaddle them into a cocoon of safety and warmth. I talked to them about this as I took this grand and wrapped him comfortably tight into his receiving blanket and handed him back to his mom. He latched on immediately; her tears of gratitude and relief followed.
Having a child to care for is a learning experience. You are forever in training. The world changes, the supplies and toys change, the expectations and do's and don't's vary from generation to generation, and family dynamics change. As grandparents, we need to remember that we are not the parent. If we did a good job with raising our children, then we should let them raise their children and use us as reference guides to help when they want it.
No matter how much a baby likes to have the freedom of movement and limited clothing, when it is time to eat, then it is time to swaddle them into a cocoon of safety and warmth. I talked to them about this as I took this grand and wrapped him comfortably tight into his receiving blanket and handed him back to his mom. He latched on immediately; her tears of gratitude and relief followed.
Having a child to care for is a learning experience. You are forever in training. The world changes, the supplies and toys change, the expectations and do's and don't's vary from generation to generation, and family dynamics change. As grandparents, we need to remember that we are not the parent. If we did a good job with raising our children, then we should let them raise their children and use us as reference guides to help when they want it.
Friday, January 4, 2013
I am the Yaya
When my first grand was born I decided that I did not want to be "Grandma". I wanted something that would be easy to say and easy to remember and would describe me in a less generic way, therefor I am the Yaya instead of the grandma.
I tease my boys by telling them that the reason I chose Yaya is because it would be one of the first things that their sons would be able to say when they learn to speak. The truth is that I have read the book The Divine Yaya Sisterhood and felt an affinity towards the term Yaya. The irony is that I found out later that Yaya is a Greek term for Grandmother. It seems that life lead me to be the me that I need to be for my grands and that me is Yaya.
I have always felt that I would hold a special place in my grands life, much like my grandmothers held in my life. I have always wanted to be available to help my children through some of the harder times of raising their children by providing insight from my experiences raising them. It is not that over-bearing sort of pushy parenting as a grand-parent that I want to give them. I want to be the "I am here if you need me" parent/Yaya. I will do my best not to tell them how to raise their children because if I did my job right the first time, then I should not have to try to do it again with my grands.
I tease my boys by telling them that the reason I chose Yaya is because it would be one of the first things that their sons would be able to say when they learn to speak. The truth is that I have read the book The Divine Yaya Sisterhood and felt an affinity towards the term Yaya. The irony is that I found out later that Yaya is a Greek term for Grandmother. It seems that life lead me to be the me that I need to be for my grands and that me is Yaya.
I have always felt that I would hold a special place in my grands life, much like my grandmothers held in my life. I have always wanted to be available to help my children through some of the harder times of raising their children by providing insight from my experiences raising them. It is not that over-bearing sort of pushy parenting as a grand-parent that I want to give them. I want to be the "I am here if you need me" parent/Yaya. I will do my best not to tell them how to raise their children because if I did my job right the first time, then I should not have to try to do it again with my grands.
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